March 2, 2004


I do not want to spend the rest of my life in Houston.

That being said, I really don’t have a lot of choices when it comes to finding someplace that I consider affordable where I could actually purchase a home.

I would like to have about twenty-five acres in the hill country. Some place that has lots of hidey holes that the bats could hide out in during the day, and then I could sit on my back porch in the evenings and watch them fly out on their nightly bug ingesting missions. Hence the need for twenty plus acres, the house has to be far enough away from the bat cave, as it where, so I didn’t have to smell bat guano. That stuff is kinda rank.

Anyway.

I need a big enough place to house a kennel for the dogs. I would like to give homes to at least a couple of retired greyhounds, and they would need to have a lot of space. I also would like to acquire a couple of pit bulls.

My reasons for wanting the pit bulls are not altogether altruistic. I like dogs, I actually think pit bulls are pretty and I understand that they are high energy dogs that need a lot of attention, exercise and socialization in order to be a good family dog. I firmly believe that your average shit-bird that would hop the fence and start helping themselves to whatever wasn’t nailed down or molesting the livestock does not understand that. I would like the sign that reads “My pit bull can make it to the fence in three seconds, can you?” would be enough to keep anybody off my property, and if someone decides to take the chance, I want something fierce and powerful coming after them. A running pit bull is concerted mass of sinew, muscle and raw energy, it is a beautiful thing to see.

A trespassing shit-bird getting the ever-living shit scared out of him is funny as hell to see.

That’s one nice thing about a three strand barbed-wire fence in Texas. That’s posted. Although, there are some shit-birds that don’t take the hint, and that’s why there is another fence inside that one. That’s the one that let’s you say, “one step further and I’ll blow your head clean off” with a good deal of confidence that no grand jury in Texas would indict you. That’s “whatever goes on inside of this fence isn’t a damned bit of your business”, so you really need to take your agenda on down the road.


I think I might like to have a couple of alpacas also. They are some funny looking creatures, but they also appear to be very sweet and serene as well. There’s a place outside the town I live in now that has some and every time I drive by I slow down to take a look at what they are doing at that moment.

All I’ve ever seen them doing is eating grass. Sometimes I just sit there in the truck and watch them eat grass. Every once in a while one of them will look up and watch me watching them. I wonder if she would let me pet her, but that would require me to trespass, and that’s something I just won’t do.